Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
