I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's never too late to be topless.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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