If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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