So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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