Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
