Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
