I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
