Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
