I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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