We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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