She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
