I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
