He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
