At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize