I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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