i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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