Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
