that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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