So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
