My pussy is not your playground.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's always time for handjobs
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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