Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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