I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
