I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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