I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
