you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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