I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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