I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
