left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
