remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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