Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
