How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
