When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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