Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.