Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....