I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.