i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy