I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.