I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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