I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
