drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
