I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
