Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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