forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
