Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
