I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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