Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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