if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
