You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
