Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
