i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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