its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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