can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
