Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
