i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
