Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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