Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
