She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Pooping to opera.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
