This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
