Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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