last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
