somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i would punch a child for taco bell
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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