i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
