:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
