I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
