i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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