I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well you can't waste a boner
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
