Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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