Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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