Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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