why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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