32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
