She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
